I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
