fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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