the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
