oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
