I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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