And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
