I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
