She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
