I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
