He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
