If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
