New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
