Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oh god the rape fog is back!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
