My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
