FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
