This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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