i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Are we still banned from the library?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
