Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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