Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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