1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Pants are for mortals
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
