i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
