I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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