I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
