dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
