she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
