smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
