youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
