Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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