The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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