He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
