6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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