doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
