talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
