Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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