i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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