Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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