I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
