What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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