I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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