He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
