Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
