using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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