I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
