eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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