My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
