i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
