Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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