i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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