guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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