make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's shark week go big or go home
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
